“The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” – John
Steinbeck
--
Friday, July 19, 2013 9:00 AM
“Do you know what
we’re saying?”
“No… I kinda thought
you were leading this… you know, with the language barrier and all… what did
Nidhi tell you?”
“She just said stop by
and meet with the Father, talk to them about your project, and try to get them
commit to you coming on Monday…”
“Oh… so we don’t have
an actual meeting scheduled?”
“No…”
“…Okay…”
--
I’m neurotic.
There I said it… First step to recovery is admitting it,
right?
I'm pretty sure I haven’t been this way my entire life (at
least I think) and am not exactly sure when it started…
Perhaps when it was when I moved to San Diego for college,
when I had to be ultra organized so I could balance both my GPA and my
BAC. Or, it could have been when I first
started working with kids with autism.
They often require a fairly rigid schedule as some children on the
spectrum become frustrated with unexpected changes, thus I had to be on top of
everything throughout the day to avoid potentially tough behaviors. Or, perhaps grad school… ohhh grad school,
which in my opinion is the epitome of time management and stress.
Regardless of when ‘it’ started, ‘it’ is there, and while
being anxious and worrisome can actually be a benefit for some people in
certain situations (e.g. work/school for me), it can be crippling in a place
like India.
--
“Good morning, we’re
here to hopefully speak with the Father…”
“Do you have an
appointment?”
“No, but we were
hoping we could just take a few minutes of his time… Chris here is from UCLA
and wants to talk to him about a project.”
“Ok, hold on a minute…
take a seat.”
…
“The Father is ready
to see you…”
…
“Hi, give me just one
minute please.”
“No problem sir, take
your time.”
(Awkward silence as
the Father types away on his computer)
“Ok, what can I do for
you?”
--
A large part of this neuroticism lies in the fact that I’m a
planner. I like to dictate situations,
be organized, avoid surprises, and have everything go according to plan. However, in Delhi that is especially
difficult considering how long it takes to do everything. I was told before I came to Delhi that
everything takes twice as long to accomplish here than at home. And while I understood this, I didn’t quite understand it until I
arrived. Even a simple task such as
getting food is much more difficult here than in the United States, as on
multiple occasions it has been the only thing I’ve done for an entire night due
to all that is involved… especially if it decides to rain…
Now that I’ve been in India for over a week though, I’m
starting the feel the anxiety, worry, and general craziness slip away. Part of it certainly is finally settling
down, that is, finding an apartment and getting a phone. But, I’m also getting used to the day-to-day
activities of this lifestyle.
When I walk outside, I know it’s going to be 90 degrees with
95% humidity. I know that rickshaw on
the corner is going to over quote me and I’ll have to bargain him down. I know that I’ll be able to navigate him to
where I need to go even with the language barrier (Thank you, Google Maps!).
But even moreover, I’m realizing that being a planner in
this culture is practically impossible.
You have to fly by the seat of your pants, work hard, and simply have
the best intentions because at any moment, those plans, can come crashing down…
Last Thursday, just two days after my long journey across
the planet, I come to find out my first school that I’m to work in has just
decided to back out. Enter inner
dialogue freak out mode:
“What am I doing here?”
“How is this going to work?”
“All I want to do is learn and help.”
“I can’t speak the language.”
“They don’t want me here.”
… and so on.
I first applied for my grant for this project back in
November. I was awarded the grant in
February, and got a preliminary list of schools on board for the project from
AFA in March. I had communicated with
staff at each school about the project and each indicated everything was good
to go… my plan was working out.
Then, I arrived and it fell apart. My plan was no longer a plan. Trying to stay calm, the wonderful research
staff at AFA met to come up with some solutions and decided I should try to
meet with the head of a different school, Father Anthony. I thought the staff had spoken with him and
set up a meeting for the next day. This
was not the case though, as I found out just moments before walking into Father
Anthony’s doors that he had no indication we were coming.
--
“Well Father, firstly,
thank you for having us. My name is
Chris and this is Deepali, and I’m a graduate student from UCLA. I’ve come to Delhi to conduct a research
study on Indian children with autism in regular education settings… and from
what I understand you’re aware of the organization Action for Autism and have
been a supporter in the past?”
“Yes, yes”
“Well, I was hoping
you would be willing to let your school be a place for me to conduct some of my
research. I’d just like to observe some
different classrooms that have students with autism, and will primarily be
looking at the interactions and relationships they have with peers.”
“Ok, well, let me ask
you something… what is the current research out there regarding autism? Last I heard
there were some issues possibly with metals in the blood…”
“Well, Father…”
(Long back and forth
with the Father on current research, how every kid on the spectrum is
different, how their goal is to mainly provide emotional support, etc.)
“Ok, Chris… how long
would you like to do the observations for?”
“Two weeks… and I was
hoping I could start on Monday…”
“Ok, no problem.”
--
The longer I’m in this country, the more I realize I have no
control over my world, whether it’s here or back at home in Los Angeles. I can take steps in the right direction and
try to outline some possibilities, but mainly just need to focus on enjoying the ride. While this is a lesson
I’ve already had to learn many times throughout my life, it is still one I continue to struggle with as I strive to challenge myself both personally and professionally.
In the end, I've just gotta keep remembering some of the best advice I've ever been given...
"It is what it is... somehow it will all work out." - My Mom
--
In the end, I've just gotta keep remembering some of the best advice I've ever been given...
"It is what it is... somehow it will all work out." - My Mom
--
I’ve been at Father Anthony’s school now since Monday, and
the children and staff have been nothing short of kind, respectful, and
wonderful.
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